Learning to be consistent, to use my intuition, is something that has taken me a lot of effort, a lot of personal work and a lot of awareness. It has also cost me many friendships, businesses, “apparent opportunities”, severe criticism, distancing, etc. It has required enormous courage, persistence, determination and faith on my part. I have had to learn to embrace uncertainty.
In my lectures I love to compare the human body with a thermometer or “indicator” of our intuition. Our physical sensations, as well as our emotions, are indicators, as clear as the decimal numbers on an electronic thermometer. You just have to pay attention, learn to use it... just like with one of those sophisticated electronic devices.
I have been on this path of “spiritual awakening” for more or less seven years. And, little by little, I use my intuition better. Sometimes I happily surprise myself by immediately recognizing an unpleasant physical sensation that tells me, “This is not for you. Back off." I don't even question it and walk away. Other times I find myself feeling great pleasure and harmony throughout my body when observing a sunset, a beautiful garden, the eyes of my dog when I caress him, a group of people laughing or when I feel the sensation of my daughters' arms around me. around when we snuggle up watching a movie, or when listening to a deep silence or a beautiful melody...
However, there are still times when “I don't realize it.” It's when I'm distracted, when I'm in my mind, in the rush, in the urgency, in the day to day. When I “think”, instead of “feel”. And I find myself in situations that I don't like, that no longer make sense to me, that I feel like a burden, that I feel like they are "dragging" me, that are incongruent with the Being I am becoming, but they seem to be “adequate”, make “sense” and, most of all, they are “comfortable…” Comfort… belonging… Ah! What great traps!
There is still a part of me that does not dare to show itself to the world, to “jump into the water.” There is still a part of me that seeks approval and fears abandonment. However, I think it has more to do with what Marianne Williamson says:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. “It is our light, not our darkness, that scares us most.”
What I have not told you is that, in compensation for the friendships I have “lost” along this path, I gained many others. These are a richer contribution to my life than the previous ones. Around me I have people who can “receive” me without judgment. That they can see, hear and feel me as I am without feeling afraid, without feeling insecurity, without the need to compete. People who reflect a lot of my light and also my shadow. People with whom I have grown and continue to grow day by day. People who, with love, can lovingly and respectfully point out to me what I cannot see at a certain moment in my life, in myself, in my circumstances.
This is where, when I can't read my "thermometer", when I can't realize that I don't like something, that I'm involved in something that is no longer congruent with me, that these people around me, "suddenly" bring this to my attention; this consciousness. This support is like a balm for my heart and soul.
Of course… then comes the “uncomfortable” part. The part where I have to make a decision and carry it out. There is uncertainty. There is fear. But it's time to act.
It's time to take that huge breath of air, fill my chest with oxygen, grow, become big, focus and do what is appropriate to be consistent, to be true to myself. It is to me that I owe loyalty, above all. If I am not true to myself, to my life purpose, to what my soul and my heart call me, then why all the trouble? On this path, there is no turning back.
So against everything that seems “adequate”, against everything that is “safe” (as if such a thing existed), against all those who “disagree”, against all those who may be “disappointed” in me, those who those who are going to feel "betrayed", those who are going to talk about me, attack me, get angry with me, exclude me... Against all odds, against all that, I am. And my commitment to myself, to my vision, to God, to the world that I long to transform. So here I go...
Then those come and say to me, with all good intentions: “Are you sure? Aren't you exaggerating? Is it irreversible or could it still be “fixed”? Haven't you overreacted? Why don't you focus and think about it? And the doubt stings... just to regain strength. It's YOUR fear of what's coming, not mine...
I already discovered that I am very brave and that everything that comes, in whatever form, is actually a gift. A gift that will make me stronger, wiser, more coherent, braver, more consistent. I am no longer afraid of uncertainty. I don't like rejection, but I know it has nothing to do with me; It has to do with what I reflect about myself to the people who reject me, criticize me, attack me, exclude me, even hate me...
With all that, and for that very reason, I give them a place in my heart. Thank you for making me grow; for making me strong and for showing me so clearly what no longer suits me.
Finally, after all this movement, after the storm, comes calm… an indescribable peace. I have reconciled with myself. There is no longer any discomfort. There is serenity.
Does any of this resonate with you? Is there any situation, any relationship, any agreement or commitment that is no longer contributing to your life? What prevents you from moving forward and being true to yourself? Keep it up! All in all, it's worth it...