A couple of days ago I met with a friend to review a job proposal. A friend of my spiritual path. After talking about the proposal, the fact that I broke up with my last partner and the reasons why this had happened came up in the conversation. He was confused when I finished telling him... He thought it was justifiable... but he didn't understand the details. He put his hands on his head and said: “(men)…we are in diapers!” For my female friends, however, things could not have been clearer. They caught it immediately.
Before finishing the topic she said something to me – I think it was an expression of her own frustration at not being able to fully understand my thoughts or feelings as a woman. He told it to me like a “dude” would tell another “dude” something that he considered important for them to know:
“It's just that you are too demanding. …more than that, you are practically a threat to any man, you are truly intimidating. With that security that you have and above all, your knowledge.”
I clarify that, on this path of growth, we tell ourselves things as they are, because we know that doing so is nothing more than a display of unconditional love. When someone can sit in front of you and tell you something “difficult” to say, with total clarity, without hesitation, direct, and – above all – with a lot of respect, it is a sign of love.
Years ago, this comment would have shattered me. I would have immediately connected with that part of me that told me that I was wrong, that I had made a mistake and that I had to run away and apologize. That I really had to be more “realistic”, more flexible, stop expecting “so many” things from my partner or from life in general and, above all, be more conformist. Do not bother."
But this time, it was totally different. It was like that part of me had never existed… I didn't move a hair when he made this comment. I didn't leave my center, nor did I lose focus. With all love and respect, like him, I responded: “Yes, it's true. For a man like you, who hasn't done his job, I can be a threat. But to a man like the one I want, who has done his job and feels so sure of himself that it doesn't bother him that I am myself, just as I am, I pose no threat. Now I don't have the slightest doubt that I'm worth it. “I can be the sweetest, most loving, most flexible and feminine woman in the world, as long as you let me be as I am.”
Total acceptance of myself is non-negotiable. I'm not going to let anyone try to change me. I'm no longer willing to do things that don't make me happy.
If I have to be honest... I don't need to be with someone next to me. Those times are gone. I feel so happy and fulfilled that I don't need, nor do I think I need, a partner. Understand well… I don't “need” it, which doesn't mean I don't want it. Yes, I want it, of course. But I am aware that it is not a necessity. I do not feel alone, nor incomplete, nor strange, nor a failure for not meeting one of society's expectations of success: being in a relationship.
And at this moment, I just want to continue in peace working on the emotions and issues that I have to heal in this grief that I am going through. The sadness and pain are still present. I still miss him. I still love him. That hasn't changed at all. I just don't want to be your partner anymore.
And when these emotions appear, I feel them with love. I welcome them with respect, without fear of feeling them, honoring them as they are. I use different techniques that allow me to heal them. I know everything is fine, just the way it is. I know that it will end when the time is right, that the type of love I now feel will have been transformed and that, thanks to this, I will have evolved, I will have grown.
I am grateful for this couple experience, which was the most beautiful I have ever had. There was always love, there was always respect, there was always trust. There were just things that made it, for me, not worth continuing. I appreciate this conversation and my friend's comments.
What would it take for us to learn to see these situations that happen in our lives as opportunities for growth?